I Wish Comics

[DragonWolf]

I haven't writtin in a while and i wrote this in like 5 minutes this morning so tell me what you think:

I’m a wolf full of rage,
I’m a wolf locked in a cage,
I’m a wolf every turn of the page,
I’m a wolf in every age.

Wolf reborn to roam the forest free
The winds rushing past, hugging every part of me
I howl unto the endless night
Beautiful and clear, the moon big and bright

I’m a wolf on the prowl,
I’m a wolf with a fearsome growl,
I’m a wolf with a mournful howl,
I’m a wolf wiser then any owl

I am full of pride, passion, and loyalty
It is a wolf’s code of honor, a code that I hold dear to me
The grey wolf standing alone in the darkness
Amidst the cool black night I seem heartless

I’m a wolf alone and free
I’m a wolf, rogue and with out family
I’m a wolf, no one can tame me
I’m a wolf, my spirit inspiring.

Shining bright in the sea of chaos, standing proudly
Eyes deadly and fierce, few dare cross me.
You see me in the distance, what is your first thought of me?
I’m only mortal; I face my wrongs shamelessly

A formidable foe or just a passer by,
Who are you to catch thyn eye?
I approach silent as death it’s self,
Flying through the forest, incomparable stealth

I’m a wolf alone on the horizon
And my spirit will forever live on

What do you think??
_________________
Dreams are like rainbows, only fools chase them.

[David]

Poetry = art, you silly person.

I'm gonna be honest, because being nice only helps those on the brink of giving up I find the rhyming pattern of AAAA, AABB, AAAA... Boring, and many lines hurt the rhythm. For example, in the second stanza:

Wolf reborn to roam the forest free

This on it's own has a good rhythm, assuming you read the first word on it's own: Wolf ... re - born - to - roam - the - fo - rest - free. This is iambic (I believe) with some extra poetic flair and a good use of alliteration. However, keep in mind that the first line of a stanza basically sets the tempo for the rest of that stanza...

The winds rushing past, hugging every part of me

I was still reading with an iambic meter, but there are no iambs! The rhythm has suddenly changed into: The winds - ru - shing - past ... Hu - gging - every - part - of - me. There's no pattern at all here unless you look at the last line of the stanza, but I'll talk about that later.

I howl unto the endless night

I don't want to be mean, but isn't this wolf + howling + endless night imagery a little to... Done? I'd think of another way to say it or say something else, the line actually doesn't seem to carry much meaning anyway.

Beautiful and clear, the moon big and bright

Okay, here we see the pattern: lines 1 and 3 are longer, lines 2 and 4 are two shorter phrases linked together. This was a good idea, and I like where you were going with it, but I am concerned with a couple of things. Line 2 is describing two actions of one thing: the winds. Line 4 not only relies on the previous line to define what's being talked about (using the night even though the subject of line 3 was the "I," which is a little confusing and stops the reader for a second), it defines two qualities of the night and then changes to "the moon." I think the line would be GREAT if you made it all description, like: adj and adj, adj and adj. As is, it reads: Bea - u - ti - ful - and - clear ... the moon - big - and - bright. I think that first of all lines 2 and 4 should have the same rhythm (something like la - LA - la - LA - la la), and secondly both parts of each line should mimic or mirror each other.

SO taking all of that in, maybe try something like this:

LA ... la - LA - la - LA - la - LA LA - la
la - LA - la - LA - la la, la la - LA - la - LA - la
la - LA - la - LA - la - LA
la - LA - la - LA - la la, la la - LA - la - LA - la

Remember when writing poetry to think of how each line flows, how each line works together to make a stanza, and how each stanza works for the whole. Don't force it to get to the next line, really put effort into every word and every line, make the poem say something and sound beautiful while saying it. I'm not a poet, but I do like poetry, and I think that the rules for a good poem require you to carefully think about every aspect of the work.

I hope I wasn't too mean, I just intend to help. If you are really serious about poetry, just write a lot and open yourself up to a lot of criticism. Good luck
_________________
Can't paint, no sir, so skill, no how.

[DragonWolf]

naw it helps allot, I appreciate it, you should see the stuff from when i wrote alot, before i moved and started doing drugs... lol, I was majorly trippin on E when i wrote that....lol
_________________
Dreams are like rainbows, only fools chase them.

[Agreect09]

Just like the title says, post something nice about last person that posted...

Ill start with Dukki since he is our post whore.

Dukki posts whore better than any other whore.